When readers see the title My Journey From Minimalism to Clutter, the first thing people will ask is, didn’t you get that title wrong? Shouldn’t it be from Clutter to Minimalism? Well, no. This is what happened. I’ve never been great at keeping my house neat, organized, and tidy. I’ve probably purchased every book on home organization known to mankind in the past. I’d read about how to organize my home and get really excited about clearing clutter. I would get overwhelmed by the task and give up as I was too tired to deal with it all. I felt so overwhelmed. Can any of you relate?
In 2016, I bought Marie Kondo’s book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. At the same time, I found Joshua Becker, and his website, Becoming Minimalist. I had renewed hope related to organizing and de-cluttering. See, in the past, I was trying to organize everything in my house. My problem was I had too much stuff. This is where Joshua Becker’s philosophy was different. He was an advocate to get rid of stuff and only have what you need. Marie Kondo’s philosophy was to only keep what gives you joy.
I was determined to just get rid of stuff and only keep what I needed and what gave me joy. With this newfound way of looking at things, I felt hope. I began to go through and de-clutter drawers and rooms. For the first time in my life, this new way of thinking was a great success, at least for my main house. I never did make it to my unfinished upstairs which is now essentially a hoarded attic.
I started in my kitchen and went through every drawer and every cabinet. I probably had 30 knives I got rid of. (They weren’t even sharp like I really needed) I still had knives left over. I now have a nice set of Pampered Chef knives, and I’ll be getting rid of the remaining knives soon. I then tackled our bedroom. Oh my! I spent two or three days going through all the drawers, closet, and also the stuff in the master bathroom. For the first time in years, everything had a place and I wasn’t overwhelmed with clutter and mess.
Then, tragedy struck in January of 2017. As you may already know, we lost our oldest son to a self-inflicted wound. I was devastated beyond imagination. The first year was full of feelings of raw grief, and I went into a depression. My home began to clutter again over the years after this. I was overwhelmed working as a nurse and found the recliner to be my best friend as I was trying to numb the pain from our loss. Slowly, my home began to pile up again, and I had no energy to organize. Fast forward to now, my husband and I both lost our moms in the winter of 2023. We brought things into our home from their homes. I can’t believe how incredibly cluttered our home is once again.
I am finding in my reading that after a great loss or other life-changing events, people can fall into such a depression and numbing state that their homes become so cluttered they become hoarders. I’m not at the hoarder stage (although my attic may pass for a hoarder attic). I’m retired now, and after taking some time to rest from so many years of working as a nurse and working emotionally through the loss of our moms, I’m realizing if I don’t do something now, my house isn’t going to be a comforting haven as we all would like our homes to be.
Funny story, Marie Kondo did not have children when she so beautifully came up with her system. I have read she’s changed her mind a bit. She has realized spending time with her family is more important than keeping things all neat and orderly. However, I would daresay, her home is probably not filled with clutter and is still more organized than my home is now.
I’m ready for a re-do. My husband and I are going through clothes we can’t wear anymore and donating them to a local thrift store. We are giving away furniture we no longer use or need. I’m ready to go through my drawers, rooms, and closets again. So that is how I went from minimalism to clutter. It feels like there is more work to be done this time around, though. I’m ready for the challenge, though.
Loss affects people in different ways. However, there are many similarities. I’m curious as to how many of you have gone through some type of trauma, and you are finding yourself living with clutter you had not experienced before? I’d love for you to comment if this is something you struggle with? Now that I’m getting back on track, I need to pull out a book I highly recommend by Joshua Becker called: The Minimalist Home: A Room-by-Room Guide to a Decluttered, Refocused Life. You will be glad you got your hands on this book!
Be Whole, Joycelynn
I’m sorry for your losses. Thank you for talking about this and your experience.
So sorry for your losses of many family members. Grief makes me feel like nothing matters and I can throw everything out. All the closets and drawers that I could never get to, furniture, etc. All can go, not important.
Yes, I can relate to this. Before my eldest son passed away, (August of 2019) I was on a decluttering and minimizing journey. Now I was triggered into remembering items loved ones gave me that I had gotten rid of and on a mission to find a similar item. Things started to become disorganized and overfilled. I am now getting back on track, and I even quit selling on eBay since it was kind of an excuse to go to thrift stores more. I made a little bit of money, so it wasn’t too hard to let go. I feel there is hope for us both! I also homeschool and have a large family.
Im a nurse and wellness coach and currently finishing a certification in grief coaching. I’d love to connect and add you to my Living Whole With Grief group on Facebook if you are interested. It’s for moms who have lost a child right now.
And I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to lose a child. I homeschooled some when my kids were younger. My two remaining children are grown with kids of their own now.
I’m so sorry for all your losses 🥺. Glad that you are able to know God and His ways ❤️. I’m happy to read that you are now able to begin decluttering again… such a journey you have been on 🥹 I wish you all the best going forward 🥹
Reading your article I feel so sorry for your loss. My situation in no way compares with your loss but I have continued worsting health. So what I do is declutter whenever I’m in decline. My home is reasonably small but I do find especially in the kitchen I can always find that I have more of one particular item and out the door the excess items go. It helps that my cleaning ladies have similar views and they give me ideas that help in the process. Thank you, I found your article thought provoking. Best wishes
Thank you Alan for reaching out. Our journey’s are all so individual. I’m finding that even the smallest victory is wonderful! I love the term “kaizen” steps. Small steps, done consistently, help you move forward and you eventually reach your goals!
Thank you for this article! I’m so sorry for the devastating loss of your son and for your mothers’ passing.
Thank your Catherine for reaching out. I really appreciate it!
My home became cluttered again during COVID. I am a single mom and was in lockdown at home all day, every day with my two children. At first it worked out fine – my pre-teen daughter and I baked and cooked, trying new recipes daily. My home was clean and not too cluttered. But as the months dragged on, I started online shopping out of boredom, buying all kinds of items to make my home cozier, since we were spending so much time there. New sheets, blankets, throw pillows, storage baskets, curtains, etc. But I didn’t really get rid of anything old & now my closets & bedrooms are overflowing. And my finances took a hit, too, of course. Now I’m trying to pare down and get my house back.
Thank you for sharing your story, Amy. One thing is, it’s one step at a time. Our journey’s are marathon’s, and not sprints, thank goodness!
Thank for your article. This is the same for me. Dealing with trauma and losing my energy. You are so brave to pick it up again. It is my experience that making a house minimal and organized takes years of ups and downs. It took me ten years before I finally reached the point that everthing is where it should be. Nothing to much is coming in en not to much has to leave our home. It gives enormous peace of mind to reach this point. I hope you will too. Love Zita
Thank you for reaching out Zita! Yes, trauma can really create a bit of havoc, and it’s ok to sit with it while we work on our inner healing. And then, it comes time to create those spaces, no matter how small as we walk on this journey.
How refreshing it is to read about a backward movement toward minimalism. It’s not a topic I’ve seen before, and it is one many can relate to and have probably experienced. It’s certainly the case for me from time to time. I microdeclutter now, and it’s an energizing feeling when a space or part of a space continues to be minimized. The idea that a home or space can be decluttered in one fell swoop and remain in that state indefinitely is, in itself, stressful. I have found the journey is ongoing and needs attention somewhat regularly.
You are so right, Robbin! I don’t believe its a one and done type of lifestyle. I love peaceful spaces and working to get back to that place here in my home!
I believe that life has a flow of seasons. Give yourself some love!
It is emotionally exhausting to transition when someone you love dies or leaves your home to grow up.
I have experienced both situations. As the person who led the house clean out for all four parents after their deaths, decision fatigue is real. Once I came home so exhausted, I could hardly move. My sweet husband sent me to a massage therapist for three days straight. When life changes for me I take time to sit with my notebook or planner. I rest. I am good to my body with baths, walks and deep breathing.
It seems that you have a vision for the home you desire to live in going forward. Obviously, your cleaning out skills can be reactivated since you have met these goals before. Perhaps you can establish routines for yourself as you go forward.
Some of the things I tell myself involve determining if this item will be used in the life I imagine in the future. If not, I tell myself that it has lived life with me and it needs to go to someone else who needs it now. Sometimes I take a picture of an item I loved and then I trash, donate or send it to a new home directly.
Wishing you the happiest of feelings as you do the hard work of cleaning toward your future!!
Leah
http://www.nurturingmynest.com
I love this! Thank you for sharing! I love your website. It’s beautiful and is a nurturing space. I’m looking at some items I thought I’d never part with, and I’m going to take pictures and let them go..
I, too, have ebbed and flowed through minimalism and clutter. As seasons of life changes and physical moves happen we have to adjust and sometimes that takes time. I see it akin to weight loss. For me, maintenance is harder than anticipated… which is why I have gained 25 pounds in the past year. Yikes! But nothing is irreversible in the decluttering journey so, onward.
Thank you for sharing part of your journey. And I agree, maintenance is harder than anticipated. I’m working on “kaizen” steps. Those are small laughable goals, done consistently, that move your forward to achieve your goals. It works, and isn’t overwhelming!
After losing my mother suddenly I went in the opposite direction. I had to empty her house and I became overwhelmed. I was a single parent with a full time job , 3 children and a house. My parents both survived the depression so they had very little in the way of stuff. Saving money was more important to them. But even with limited items it was extra work. The process totally changed my feelings about things. I was fortunate to find Joshua Becker at the same time and I forged ahead with clearing out. I still have to remind myself from time to time before I make any purchase but I’ve made my life so much easier. Stuff is truly a burden.
Thank you for reaching out Betsy and sharing your story with me. Our stories are so important! I’m grateful you were able to forge ahead with a good plan on cleaning out. “stuff” truly is a burden.
“…how many of you have gone through some type of trauma, and you are finding yourself living with clutter you had not experienced before?”
This sentence resonated deeply with me. After losing our grandparents and parents, we could not part with some of their items such as original artwork, and several tubs of documents that I didn’t have time to go through and/or didn’t know what to do with. This small mountain of storage tubs that have been cluttering up our basement for 8 years now creates a lot of stress for me every time I see it when I do laundry. Managing daily life seems to leave no time left for dealing with this. And dealing with it is so emotionally draining. But not dealing with it is not helping, either. I would love some practical suggestions.
Thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry I’m just responding. When so many commented on this article, I was in Iowa for a book launch and time was crazy! I recommend you follow Joshua Becker and his blog on minimalism. I also believe I shared links to a few books I really found to help me. I’m creating a resource list for things I find helpful. One thing you can do is join my newsletter list. I’ve also got a self-care document I’ve created for joining my list. You can find it here: Join My Mailing List.
Hugs to you. I hope that over time the happy memories fill more of your heart than the grief
Thank you for reaching out. I am actually in a good place and moving forward. This is one thing I’m tackling in my life that I put off, and that’s recollecting things. So this year, I’m decluttering as I move forward. At least that’s one thing I’m doing.
I’m so very sorry for your losses. I very unexpectedly both lost my mother and my husband 5 months apart in 2021. We had just moved into our retirement home 3 months before Robert passed so there were many boxes still not unpacked and of course many things from Momma’s house made it into mine. I couldn’t do much other than eat and sleep and was minimally functioning at work for a year. Then a horrible bout with depression took much of 2023. After getting help I’m in a much better place and have been able to get back to sorting and purging. For me, I’ve found that I can get rid of things when it ‘feels right’ such as Robert’s clothes. It also feels very freeing to be less burdened by stuff. I don’t need to keep the set of Mommas dishes we grew up eating on; I have all the years of memories of meals with my family which is what matters, not keeping the dishes themselves. I think it’s a constant practice, like yoga. You’ll never be perfect you just do the best you can every day. Another motivation for me is I don’t want to leave a mess for my sisters and step daughters to deal with when I go.
Praying for comfort and peace for you and your husband. One step at a time – you’ll get to where you want to be.
Thank you Linda for reaching out and sharing a bit of your story. I’m so sorry for all the loss you experienced so close together. Depression is definitely something we can find ourselves experiencing after traumatic events. I’m learning to take pictures of some things and letting the objects go, while holding on to the memories. And yes, I’m not wanting to leave things for my children and grandchildren to have to deal with as well.
While I am terribly sorry for your losses, I am thankful for your honesty. Decluttering is not “one and done” and very much ebbs and flows; often mirroring our complicated lives. It can be emotional and messy, but when we come out the other side, we always feel a little lighter. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much Pixie for reaching out with your comments. Yes, it feels so much lighter when we can work through the things that are cluttering our lives. It’s a slow process, but I’m grateful to be on the journey!