Yesterday as I was driving home from work, my thoughts went back over my life and pondered many things Mike and I had experienced during our 38 years of marriage. I saw a picture of a tapestry in my mind. Not the beautiful front side, but the backside of the tapestry where all the knotted threads, uneven colors, and even mistakes could be viewed. Thoughts began to swirl around in my head about the different threads creating my personal life tapestry. Joyous times could be woven with light and bright colors of yellow, gold, pink, blue, white, green, lavender, and maybe a splash of tan or sand color.
Brightly colored threads would represent things like our wedding and the birth of our children. We’ve been blessed to bring 3 beautiful children into this world and you know for years boys have been represented by blue and girls by pink. (although now, I realize I’m not being politically correct to attach gender biased colors to boys and girls, lol) Our grandchildren are a ray of sunshine and brighten my day every time I get to see them so I think yellow would be great to share how I feel about my grandchildren.
Have you ever thought about the events of your life are weaving a tapestry? The word tapestry is a noun depicting a heavy piece of cloth where colored threads are woven in and out to form a picture. The picture side is beautifully crafted and perfect appearing while the backside is where all the work took place. The threads were strategically placed and mapped for the front side to appear as it does. The word tapestry can also be used to refer to a sequence of events or complex combinations. I think of Carole King’s second album Tapestry as it is made up of beautifully written songs woven from her life.
There are other colors woven in my tapestry as I’m sure there are in your tapestry. Dark times. Rich colors. Blacks, browns, deep purple, dark rose, red, and darker colors of green and blue. On the backside, the dark times of our lives weave in and out of our tapestry accompanied by deep pain and suffering. This is not at all what we were anticipating as we enjoyed the celebration thread times. Here’s a look at the backside of a carefully woven or crafted tapestry art:
As a woman of faith it’s really easy to see God’s handiwork as He participated in the weaving of the celebration times of my life. Those times when bright and airy colors were added to my life tapestry. Notice in the picture how the foundation colors are sturdy and strong. They are darker and add definition.
To be honest, even during the dark times in my life I could feel always God with me as those painful threads were woven in and out of my life tapestry…until my son died. I won’t get into the details in this writing how low I actually got related to my faith, but I can admit, it was pretty low. (I will be sharing that in the future though) It’s been almost 9 months since I spoke to my son on this earth in his physical body. I still talk to him as if he can hear me. I believe maybe he can. Almost 9 months later, and I’m just starting to feel again…just a little bit. Feeling a little bit is more than feeling dead.
You may have experienced times in your life where you didn’t feel God. It doesn’t have to be the loss of a child. Tragedy and trauma come in many forms. Trauma or tragedy comes in the form of abuse, a bad health report, loss of a parent, a spouse, a close friend or relative, an accident, or any other event that takes you from your everyday experience into an unexpected place in a moment of time. I believe often we only want people to see the finished tapestry. The beautiful outside. We don’t want to share or admit to the ugly weaving on the backside.
My tapestry was still being woven. Even when I didn’t see it. Even when I didn’t feel it. When I turn my tapestry around to look at the beautiful side, I see a woman who loves more, who feels more, and who cares more. I’m more empathetic and sympathetic to the suffering of those around me. I see friends sitting with me in my virtual red tent and we have our coffee or tea and we fill our cups as we share our lives. I see healing.
I’m extending an invitation for you to join me on this incredible healing journey. A journey where we connect as human beings, and share, and leave behind the facade that everything is OK all the time. A journey where we share our unfinished tapestries. I’m beginning to find my voice again and I want to share it with you and I want to hear your voice. I’m inviting you to join me as I begin to write my newsletters again. Sit with me as we sit together and talk about our tapestries.