III John vs.2: “Brethren I pray that you prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers”.
When I began to wonder what I could do to leave nursing in 2010 due to my own burnout, I found Wellness Coaching. I found a book by Kim Fulcher, titled Remodel Your Reality, I had never heard of life coaching. That discovery led me to Compass Coaching by Kim Fulcher. Wellcoaches and Wellness Inventory then came into my path and I studied wellness coaching with both. Wellcoaches at that time focused on HOW to coach, while Wellness Inventory started the focus on buddy coaching. With Wellness Inventory not only was I learning the concepts of coaching but I was being coached. As I prepared for my first session to be coached I took a 120 question evaluation to see where my “wellness wheel” scored 12 areas of my life.
This assessment changed my life. I saw what a mess my life was in and how out of balance I was in almost all areas of my life. I had my “ah-ha” moment at that time and wrote a statement that I still find to be profound. That quote is “on the mad dash to becoming who I want to be, I forgot who I am”. My “now” was never to be present. My “now” was always in my future. My work/life balance was out of control. I was working every weekend as a nurse and my spiritual connectedness with God was fragile at best. I was trying too hard to get away from my present reality and looking for better days. I was missing out on living in the present. I learned how to change that reality in my life.
I began wellness coaching on the side. My clients experienced wonderful results. I held women’s weekend wellness retreats. My signature program was forming. I actually still use very similar components in my program now. Nursing continued to be my main profession and coaching was on the side. I was living more in my “present”. Life was flowing along smoothly. Life was good until it wasn’t.
Disruption and dysfunction were surfacing in the church my husband and I were attending and had been attending since we left pastoring a church in Indiana several years prior. The pastor died and the board asked my husband to take over the church. When my husband was set in as pastor, I was as well. I didn’t do much with that role in the early years. I was more supportive and worked in children’s ministry or wherever I was needed. My heart was women’s ministry.
In 2017, our world was devastated when our oldest son committed suicide. He was 36 years old. He had PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) from his time in Iraq. He had been involved in a bomb blast. Knowing the time of death, his meds prescribed from the Veteran’s Administration would have been at their peak, and as a nurse, I believe he didn’t realize what he was doing. He didn’t leave a note and he also had been washing and drying his clothes for work that next day. Since his death was self-inflicted, it’s still ruled a suicide even if it was not a purposeful act. Then again, I wasn’t there. I didn’t know his frame of mind at the time, but I do know how he responded to his meds and he never remembered anything the next morning that he did in the night.
My world was destroyed at that time. Even as a wellness coach I was not prepared with the emotional tools to handle what happened. I was in shock for the first few months. I had prayed for his healing and believed 100% God was answering. My shock then turned to anger when I started “waking up”. I was angry with the VA. I was angry with the physician who had changed his medications just a month prior to his death. All four medications he was on had suicide ideation. Finally, my anger turned toward God. How could I trust God again if I could not trust Him to take care of my son? My issues began to pour and I was broken.
We continued as pastors at our church but I was not much of a pastor. It was hard for me to attend church when all I could see was the empty spot where my son should have been playing guitar on the praise and worship team. It was hard to leave the house on Sunday mornings and I found that I was late when I did go. My pain, brokenness, and unforgiveness lasted for several years. My issues left me weak, fragile and feeling hopeless. We didn’t have official overseers at our church but I reached out to pastor friends when needed. I couldn’t talk to my husband about it because he was grieving in his own way.
I was just like the woman with the issue of blood. Nothing would stop the hemorrhaging. At the beginning of 2019, I had to make a choice. I could continue dying or I could try to stop the hemorrhaging. I was accepted into a life coaching program and for 6 months began to pull my life back together. Living for those left behind became to be more of my focus. I still wasn’t leaning on God for my healing. I had reservations to ever trust Him again. Attempts of healing at this time were not focused on spiritual healing.
In early 2020 I began to make some health changes. Still, I shied away from the real Healer. In September of 2020, I was beginning to coach again. I decided to register for an online Christian Women’s conference. I was desperate at this time to experiencing healing from the emotional pain I was experiencing. For the first time since January 17, 2017, I began to feel a tug toward God. Keep in mind, I was going to church and through the motions. Inside I was still empty. I had made a move toward God though. I didn’t realize it, but the verse from James 4:8 was beginning to manifest in my life: “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you”.
Before the online women’s conference started that Friday night in September 2020, I had a visitation from God. As if He audibly spoke to me, I heard Him say, “I’m releasing the anger and bitterness you’ve held in your life. I’m releasing the anger you’ve had toward me and everyone you feel let you down”. The tears began to flow. I was like the woman with the issues of blood. I had run my course. I sought healing everywhere and all it took was one touch of the Master and he not only healed me but made me whole.
God has continued to show His sweet presence to me every day since. He orchestrated a conference by Dr. Joseph Dutton and Prophetess Lynette Dutton I attended in Forest City, NC at the Epicenter, in November of 2020 where He again made His Word and presence known to validate the healing He started. Apostle Steven Everett was a speaker there accompanied by his wife Michelle Everett. Little did I know God was working ahead to speak continued healing and restoration not only over me but also our church.
This experience of God desiring for us to be WHOLE has manifest in my life. God not only healed the deep raw grief (so just to share, I have NOT forgotten about the loss or stopped grieving my son). But, God has healed my pain and made me whole. I still have my time of tears. God healed my anger and bitterness. My wholeness is happening in all areas of my life, not just my grief. This is HIS intention.
As God continues to work in my life, He has opened doors for me to share God’s desire for others to be made whole.
Whatever your issue is, there is hope. When you need healing in any area of your life, all areas of your life are affected. This is where His desire to make you whole comes in. You need a touch of the Master’s hand. He desires that we are whole and it is backed by scripture. Research III John vs. 2. “Brethren I pray that you prosper and be in health even as thy soul prospers”.
Be Whole,
Pastor Joycelynn
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