Healing is my Portion

Healing is MY Portion!

While I write about my healing journey and discuss the use of aromatherapy, creativity, and sufficiency along the way, one thing I am becoming increasingly aware of is that my true healing comes from Jesus, and that healing is my portion. My trauma is being released, and I am experiencing Living Whole in a way I never imagined was possible.

In years past, especially when I was working full-time in a hospital corporation, my stress was overwhelming. While I incorporated my faith into my healing journey, I leaned heavily on the creative arts and aromatherapy for my healing. I was stressed and burned out, and I am grateful for all the things I leaned into. I was also putting too much faith in temporal things and not in changes that last forever.

I’ve given thought to my journey, and I now realize I still have trust issues with God because of my son’s death. Before that, I wasn’t connecting the dots between bad experiences in my life and how these were emotional traumas. I thought I was just living in a state of overwhelm and burnout. I was not realizing that healing is my portion, and my true healing comes from God.

If you have read my story (which is free for the asking), you will know that a turning point in my life was the sudden, traumatic death of my oldest son. My journey entails going to a very dark place for a few years, and it was then that I realized my life experiences, which I viewed as stress and overwhelm, were a result of unresolved emotional trauma.

I don’t want to dwell on my past any longer, because healing is my portion. My past is NOT my portion. I have experienced some significant changes over the past several weeks. I promised in my recent newsletter to share my healing journey story in my next post, and here it is!

I enrolled in a trauma-informed coaching certification program. And I was triggered by past traumas. All the emotional abuse and rejection I had experienced since my early years had moved forward full force, and I am sharing that it was overwhelming. At the time of this writing, I needed to set aside finishing the program to work on my trauma.

I first found a program called Surrender to Heal, which I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post. I can connect you with that program if you are interested. This program is faith-based, with a Christian foundation, and it is a 12-week program. I am learning tools to deal with my stress and also to recognize when I feel unsafe, and how to surrender to God for healing.

Deliverance is my Portion

What I want to share is the deliverance I have experienced. I said to myself, there is no way I can surrender my pain, especially those strong negative emotions I had built up through the years. Then, in the programs, I realized I couldn’t, but God could! I realized that if I could achieve this without God performing a miracle in my life, then my healing would be a result of my strength.

A few days after I met with my trauma therapist, I had an assignment to write a letter to two doctors whom I held deep resentment for the suicidal ideation side effect medications they had written for my son, who died. Hate was the emotion I felt. I experienced another situation that also evoked feelings of hatred towards an individual. The Saturday night after I was given the assignment, I lay in bed, ready for sleep. I had an experience, and I believe it was an encounter with God. I could feel His presence, and I remember an overwhelming sense of love. I tried as hard as I could to feel hate toward those two situations and those who were involved, and I could not feel hate. In one moment, the hate I harbored for several years was gone, and it is still gone, and it’s been about six weeks now.

The other miracle was that I had written about 50 items on my “list” of people and situations where I had been exposed to emotional trauma and rejection starting in childhood. These experiences instilled in me a sense of unworthiness and a fear of rejection for the entirety of my adult life. Everything I did in my life, as far as successes, I had made sure that many of those people who rejected me and caused emotional trauma were somehow made aware of my achievements.

About four weeks ago, my husband and I went to Myrtle Beach, NC, for a conference hosted by Dominion TV. They were also going to dedicate the building of their studio. At the Friday night service, Dr. Joseph Dutton called me up to the front to pray over me. As he was praying over me, I became so weak I could hardly stand up. I felt like God was continuing to work in my life. I went back to my seat and began to feel an overwhelming sense of hope for healing.

As the speaker for the night, Dr. Stephen Everette, began to minister, he wasn’t looking or speaking directly at me, but he said, “Why are you still holding on to trauma from the past?” Then he went on to say something like, ‘It’s time to let it go and live in the present! ‘ Well, that shot through me like a targeted arrow, and I felt like God impressed on me to delete my list of trauma offences, and it was OVER! Forty-four years of trauma, rejection, and offense were GONE! I thought it would take weeks or longer to go through all that to forgive and release!

Closing Doors is my Portion

What I know now is trauma opens doors that affect our emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health! What I’m currently doing in the Freedom for Life program is continuing to shut doors to any residual trauma, sin, and any soul ties I’ve allowed to attach themselves during my life. I’m learning how to understand the strongmen written in the Bible, such as the spirit of infirmity, the spirit of heaviness, the spirit of fear, and eleven others. I’m learning to identify the root spirits and the associated demons connected to them.

I understand this may be new to you. I was not raised in a church that taught these things. Perhaps they do now, but when I was growing up, this was not something that was taught. Possibly if I had and were able to embrace this from the Word of God at an earlier age, I would not have lived the life of heaviness and fear that has followed me. This is the enemy’s plan, though, to create fear and trauma in us, which causes us to be ineffective and prevents us from fulfilling our purpose.

Living Whole

I know for many years now I have believed it’s my inheritance to Live Whole. I’ve shared this and pursued it. I know this is part of my purpose. I know I’m to share with women how to live in complete freedom. I am also to teach others how to create herbal medicine and other holistic concepts to support Living Whole in the Kingdom. This may be radical for some of you. I may not be your cup of tea. That’s OK too! I’m here for those who want to hear, learn, and BE FREE! Healing is MY portion, and it can be your portion too! Please reach out if this resonated with you at joycelynn@joycelynnharrell.com. I would love to hear from you!

Thank you for reading. I’m honored you are here!

Living Whole ~ Joycelynn